It occurred to me a few weeks ago that I would like to do a sub-blog on this blog, about dating, the dating scene, and different experiences I’ve had and tips that I’ve learned over the years. I’m no stranger to dating and while I’m in a steady relationship now (which I will more than likely NOT be writing about as my other half is very private and I have to respect that) I can still remember all too clearly the dates, both good and bad, that I’ve had over the years!
And so we have : The Dating Scene. So pull up a chair and get comfy.
So, this first post is more of a guide than anything else, and it really is so important. Love yourself.
Yeah, you heard me. Love yourself. I am a firm believer that you need to be happy with yourself and BY yourself before you can ever be happy with anyone else. I’ve given this advice to so many friends over the years. If you can’t be happy single, then odds are, you wont be happy in a relationship.
Now I know you’re probably thinking, ‘hold on, who said anything about a relationship? I’m only dating!’ but the possibility is always there that things will develop. And even if they don’t, you still need to be in a good place with yourself before you start dating anyone. There are a lot of creeps out there who would only love to take advantage of someone who has low confidence in themselves, or who clearly doesn’t think very much of themselves.
I’ve had so many friends over the years say to me ‘oh I know I’d be happy if I was in a relationship, if I had someone’ and I’ve had to tell them to backtrack, and stop. Nobody else can be responsible for your happiness. They can certainly add to it, and that’s great, but that’s way too much pressure to put on someone.
So, again I say, before you start dating – LOVE yourself. Know what you’re willing to accept from someone. I went on a date once with a guy who had hounded me for months to go out with him. I finally relented because I figured there was no harm in seeing how the date went. Well, I should have gone with my initial reaction, because he showed up 20 minutes late with no text, I was left standing in the cold because we foolishly hadn’t arranged to meet in a bar, we were going to pick one when we met up…so after he showed up almost a half hour late, when we went into the bar, he spent the whole time watching a football match that was on the tv behind me. He’d ask me a question only to blank the answer because he was too engrossed in the television, and then ask me again only to do the same thing. I remember sitting there wondering what I was doing there, my time was worth way more than this, so I cut the date short. To be honest, he wasn’t that heartbroken either, he put me in a taxi with a halfhearted kiss on the cheek and we never spoke again.
But, because I had the self worth to know that I was better than that, that I deserved to be treated better than that, I refused to stand for that from anyone else. I loved myself enough not to lower my standards.
Which is what I mean by love yourself. I don’t mean be stuck up or think you’re a princess and you deserve to have the red carpet rolled out on a first date, but love yourself enough to know that you deserve someone who will treat you right, that will show you respect, and attention, and love yourself enough to know that if you DONT get that kind of respect, then you don’t have to put up with it and you can move on.
I know this was a bit of a serious post and there will be more light-hearted ones in the future but I felt this was an important one to begin with.